So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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