my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
