i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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