Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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