gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
