I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
