Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
