Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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