Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
