see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
