textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
