I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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