Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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