You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize