I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
