She's like a pop up book from hell.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
