Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
