Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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