I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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