I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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