wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize