You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
