Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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