I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
