Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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