Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize