i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
