Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
