Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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