Your dad touched me again.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize