I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
