I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
