Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
