ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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