he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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