I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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