this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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