a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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