Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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