Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
