but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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