Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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