mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
