Tell her she can't have a vagina
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize