you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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