Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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