The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
