it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
