I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize