I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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