i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
