i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
