Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
