Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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