i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
