I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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