i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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