So drunk its hurt
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
