remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
