Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's always time for handjobs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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