Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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