drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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