My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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