I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
