I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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