Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
