Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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