Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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