Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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