I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
