at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
