i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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