So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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