my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize