I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
