My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found the puke drawer
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
