The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
