I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
