She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
