What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
