Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
