I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
