the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
