I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
