her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
