My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
