What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
