I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
