Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
