So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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