Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
