I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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